Transcript:That Darn Katz!
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Transcript for | |
That Darn Katz! | |
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Written by | Josh Weinstein |
Transcribed by | Teyrn of Highever Kifcroaker |
- Announcer: [voice-over] Cash, cash, cash for your bones! To many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones. The leg bone's connected to the Cash Bone!
- [Opening Credits: Or similar product.]
- [Scene: Planet Express, Lounge. Nibbler is burying Dark Matter in his litter box.]
- Leela: Aw! Nibbler made a bobo for Mamma. I'll pick it up with my super-dupey poopy scoopy. [Nibbler grumbles. A truck can be heard backing up and Leela enters the room, driving a fork-lift.]
- [Pan to: Planet Express, Sub Basement.]
- Amy: Core magnetic field, 31 microteslas.
- Prof. Farnsworth: Nice.
- Amy: Temperature? Woah! The magma P.I. is 10,000 degrees Selleck! [Leela is emptying Nibbler's litter box in the magma. Amy swears in Cantonese.] Leela, I am collecting data. Can't you dump that somewhere else.
- Leela: Not really. It's highly volatile Dark Matter, and some corn.
- Amy: But I'm presenting my thesis tomorrow and I've barely had time to prepare.
- Farnsworth: Nonsense. You've been my grad student for twelve years. You were ready six years ago.
- Amy: What?
- Farnsworth: I probably should have told you. Anyway, the important thing is to be relaxed tomorrow.
- Amy: Are you sure?
- Farnsworth: Yes. Do what you young people do to unwind. Take a joyride in your jalopy. Wear a T-shirt and eat a fish stick. Go!
- [Scene: The Hip Joint. Fry, Leela, Bender, Nibbler, Amy and Kif are sitting at a table.]
- Kif: Okay, amigos, one teensy drink to help Amy relax. [They drink.]
- Amy: Hmmm. I guess I'm still kinda nervous.
- Leela: One more teensy drink to help Amy relax. [They press buttons on their glasses and they refill by themselves. They drink again.]
- Fry: Still a little nervous? [Amy burps.]
- Bender: She's a nervous wreck! [They refill and drink again.]
- [Time Lapse: Bender, Fry, Kif and Amy are all dancing. They are clearly drunk. Kif is still drinking.
- Leela: [At the table with Nibbler.] Well, I may not have a man, but at least I've got you, poopsie-doodle. [She pinches his cheek.]
- Nibbler: [He drinks.] Leela, it's time you and I had a talk.
- Leela: A talk? You can't break up with me. You're my pet!
- Nibbler: As much as I enjoy being the object of your misplaced affections, I am also a highly sophisticated being that longs for intelligent conversation.
- Leela: Aw, is shnookums not feeling schtimuwated?
- Nibbler: An understatement, to say the least. It's time you treated me with respect.
- Leela: If you want to be treated like a fellow crew member, fine, but no more purse rides, and no more dressing ypu up in your cute little sailor suit.
- Nibbler: I keep telling you, that's my real naval uniform.
- [Time Lapse: Kif and Amy are still dancing. They kiss.]
- Kif: Your place or mine? Both, but first, this place. [She drags him to the floor. Kif laughing nervously the entire time.]
- Hedonism Bot: [Seeing the two of them.] Ooh! Room for one more? [He laughs saucily.]
- [Scene: Amy's apartment. Her Alarm Clock goes off. It reads 8:50.]
- Amy: I thought I set you for 7:15!
- Alarm Clock: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button.
- Amy: But my doctoral exam is in ten minutes! On Mars! [She runs out of bed but steps in something.] Eww! Kif, did you yack on the floor?
- Kif: [He is the puddle Amy walked in.] Yes, I did.
- [Scene: Mars University. A Giant Pulsating Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste. A man is stroking a white cat.]
- Morris Katz: Where's your candidate, Farnsworth. I have a long list of students to humiliate today. [A door opens and Kif, Leela, Bender, Fry and Amy walk in.] You're late, Miss Wong.
- Amy: Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares. [She is in only her bra and underpants. She screams.]
- Farnsworth: Here, take my lab coat. [He offers it to her. He only has suspenders and his underpants underneath it.]
- Katz: Allow me to introduce your examining committee in order of grumpiness. Professor Ogden Wernstrom.
- Farsnworth: Wernstrom!
- Katz: Downtown Professor of Applied Physics, Ethan 'Bubblegum' Tate.
- Tate: I see by your curriculum vitæ that you're a Sagittarius.
- Katz: And Professor Fisherprice Shpeekenshpell.
- Shpeekenshpell: The cow says... [He makes a "moo" sound.]
- Farnsworth: [Whispering to Bubblegum.] He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since.
- Katz: I am the esteemed Professor Morris Katz, and you are wasting my time. Proceed.
- Amy: Imagine, if you will...
- Katz: Oh, God!
- Amy: A gigantic spherical generator, one that could provide unlimited energy, because it's in essential Perpetual Motion.
- Wermstrom: [He and Katz scoff, loudly] Young lady, have you been drinking?
- Amy: Well, yes, but that's not revelant. I'm talking about Earth. Earth's the generator. [Shpeekenshpell lands on a sheep and makes a bleating noise.] Suppose this basketball is the whole world.
- Tate: [He is spinning a basketball on his finger.] To many young men in the inner city, it is.
- Amy: As it spins, it's producing an enormous magnetic field. If we could use that field to generate electrical current, we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... '[She sneezes.]
- Farnsworth: Yes, the Earth's rotational ener-kerchoo. Go on.
- Amy: Sorry, I'm super allergic to cats. Professor Katz, do you mind.
- Katz: Miss Wong, I mind everything. We will now vote yea or nay. Nay.
- Wernstrom: Nay.
- Tate: Hell nay!
- Shpeekenshpell: [He spins to a Horse.] The horse says, doctorate denied.